Women, Sex and OrgasmSexual DriveWe do not know in what ways a woman feels differently after climax during intercourse compared to when she is not able to make her orgasm. If there are such different feelings, are they transitory or do they last for long periods? In a related vein, we do not know whether a woman who usually fails to achieve orgasm learns to focus in a compensatory fashion upon other aspects of the sexual experience. Perhaps she begins to "tune in" more to the sheer intimacy of each sexual contact or the skin sensations it creates or to the "feel" of being penetrated. Conceivably, she might even begin to develop a special "taste" for the quality of heightened tension that is never directly or grossly relieved. She might learn to enjoy her own more gradual strategies (both during and after intercourse) for dissipating her sexual arousal. The question of how much sexual contact a woman "needs" leads logically to the matter of intercourse frequency. As reported earlier, there are enormous differences in women's intercourse rates. Although there is little doubt that the partner's preferences are important determiners of such differences in rates, another significant factor is a woman's interest in narcissistic gratification. Evidence was found that the greater a woman's intercourse rate the more energy she invests in body-enhancing procedures (for example, buying new clothes, grooming, and applying cosmetics) and the more she seeks out activities that will "entertain" her. In addition, the women with higher intercourse rates were discovered to be inclined toward exhibitionism, to prefer situations in which they are the center of attention. These findings intimated that one of the elements motivating higher intercourse rates is a need for large amounts of attention. The intercourse situation is one in which a woman may find not only sexual stimulation but also the close attention of another who communicates admiration and lavishes interest on her body. The fact that narcissistic and exhibitionistic wishes seem to play a part in intercourse frequency raises the more general issue of what are the major components of gratification that the average woman seeks in a sexual contact. What is the weight that she assigns to sexual arousal, as such, as compared to variables such as an opportunity for intimacy or interaction with a man who invests his attention in her? We do not have scientific information that would even begin to clarify this matter. It is a safe guess, though, that one would probably find that individual women differ considerably as to which components of intercourse they most value. Furthermore, at different stages of her life a woman might change with respect to the component that was most important to her. Sexual arousal might be the most prominent element in the early stage of marriage; intimacy might become particularly important following the death of some important figure (for example, a parent); and narcissistic gratification derived from being the focus of the partner's attention might gain ascendancy after events signifying failure or loss of self-esteem. It is well to keep in mind the potential diversity of the psychological elements associated with intercourse that may appeal to a woman. In addition to those mentioned, one might, by way of illustration, enumerate the following ways in which a woman could utilize intercourse:
One form of sexual gratification utilized by women in relationship is masturbation. There is evidence that the more a woman refrains from masturbation the more she is opposed to greater freedom in sexual matters; the less explicitly she acknowledges the importance of sex in her life; the more she prefers a routine that is orderly, systematic, and not messy (unclean); the more she expresses belief in the existence of God and in religious ideals (but is not more religious as defined by formal religious behavior such as church attendance); the more she recalls her mother as having been moralistically strict; the less she enjoys new and novel experiences; and the less she recalls her mother as having been distant, unloving, and neglecting. When the last finding pertaining to the mother was originally interpreted, emphasis was placed on the fact that this was the first instance in which a measure of sexual behavior was significantly linked with attitudes toward the mother rather than the father. In view of the fact that those women who were most inclined to masturbate perceived their mothers as rejecting and unloving, it was proposed that masturbation might be a way of asserting the independence of one's body from mother, a declaration of freedom from her and an assertion of ability to be separate from her. The underlying note of defiance in masturbation is also implied in the fact that amount of masturbation was found to be positively correlated with declaring that there should be more sexual freedom in our culture and in the rejection of orderly, clean, and regulated ways of doing things. There does seem to be a note of self-assertion in the attitude of the woman who is inclined toward masturbation. Apparently, one of the factors that inhibits masturbation is that it is perceived both figuratively and literally as a "dirty" thing. As noted earlier, this is the only aspect of sexual behavior that was found to be related to attitudes about being dirty. It is also the only aspect found to be linked with certain aspects of religiosity. Interestingly, Kinsey also found the amount of masturbatory behavior to be clearly lower in the religiously devout than non-devout. But he found few, if any, relationships between religiosity and other aspects of sex behavior (except homosexuality and premarital sex contacts). There's a link between desire for new and novel experience and masturbatory behavior; the greater a woman's interest in experience the more likely she is to masturbate. From this view, a woman who masturbates may partially be doing so simply because she wants a change in her usual mode of experiencing sexual arousal. Masturbation was positively related to a woman's educational level, even after relationship and the availability of regular intercourse. If one thinks of the woman who seeks higher amounts of education as being particularly motivated to broaden her perceptions of the world and to learn about its diversity, one could interpret the positive correlation between educational level and amount of masturbation as a reflection of the general relationship between interest in new experience and masturbatory frequency. Obviously, multiple factors contribute to a woman's motivation to masturbate. Kinsey has shown that she will turn to masturbation when other forms of sexual gratification are not available. In addition, she may turn to masturbation as a way of expressing independence and defiance, and as a way of introducing novelty into her sex life. At the same time, impulses to masturbate growing out of such motivations must overcome inhibitory feelings that define masturbation as dirty and immoral. Amount of masturbation probably represents, then, in each individual case a unique balance among the factors cited that both positively motivate as well as inhibit masturbatory interest. Another point that needs to be reiterated is that masturbation does not appear to be a compensation for deficiencies in other aspects of sexual behavior. Masturbation frequency turned out not to be related to orgasm consistency and was also unrelated to preferred and actual intercourse frequencies, ways for a female to orgasm during intercourse, amount of satisfaction derived from orgasm, and many other indices concerned with sexual responsiveness. The woman who masturbates with relatively high frequency is not trying to obtain substitute gratification for failure in her sexual intercourse encounters. A man who masturbates with high frequency may be substituting masturbation for sexual intercourse due to the fact he a man can't ejaculate during sex, a condition known as delayed ejaculation. Little is known about how married women define their masturbatory activity within the context of their marriage relationship. We do not have data about whether they keep their masturbation secret from their partners. Do they ever masturbate in the partner's presence? Do they discuss masturbation with their partners as freely as they discuss other aspects of sexuality? Such information would provide a more accurate basis for evaluating the role of masturbation in the average woman's life. If one had to guess, it is probably likely that most women conceal their masturbation and rarely talk openly about it. They are probably reluctant to discuss it with their men because it could easily be interpreted as depreciatory of the partner's sexual prowess.
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