Women, Sex and Orgasm
Incidentally, there is another factor to consider. One must consider the possibility that with increasing duration of relationship there is greater assurance on a woman's part that her partner is a dependable love object (that he can be counted upon to remain with her), and it may be her diminished concern about his dependability, rather than practice effects, which facilitates her achievement of orgasm. Indeed, as one further scans the Kinsey data concerned with practice effects, other questions arise? For example, is it really logical to attribute any of the gains in orgasm consistency that may occur beyond the fifth year of marriage to practice? Would one not expect the potential maximum facilitation because of practice to have already been approached in the first five years of marriage when youthful vigor and intercourse rates are at their height? Another question that presents itself is why the apparent effect of practice should register primarily in terms of facilitation of the non-orgasmic woman to the point where she can be occasionally orgasmic? If practice is a prime factor in reaching orgasm, why does it so rarely enable a woman with low-orgasm consistency to become highly consistent? If one respects the information presented and the trail of logic pursued, it becomes difficult to evade the conclusion that a woman's orgasm potential is probably determined by conditions relatively early in her life, well before she becomes sexually active. We know practically nothing about the specific socialization conditions that facilitate or inhibit a woman's orgasm potential. The only hint we have is that certain attitudes on the father's part are responsible or critical. Apparently, a woman's orgasm potential is at least partially a function of whether she was able to perceive her father as dependably interested in her. It remains a mystery why the mother's attitudes have not been implicated in the shaping of orgasmic potential. Despite an earlier attempt to cope with this puzzle by suggesting that it is, after all, logical that a mode of response to a current male love object should be particularly linked to experiences with the original prime male love object (father), it still seems strange that feelings about the original feminine model (mother) should not also be implicated. Of course, one can also speculate that the difficulty in detecting the influence of the mother may stem from the fact that those of her attributes that are important involve not so much specific traits or qualities as her attitude toward her partner. Illustratively, if the mother relates to the father in a way that suggests that the mother thinks the father to be a dependable person and that his love can be counted upon, this might convey to her daughter the message that not only her father but also men in general can be taken as dependable love objects. In originally offering a model to explain the possible influence of a woman's feelings about love object, dependability upon her orgasm consistency, emphasis was placed upon the fact that the process of attaining orgasm involves a retreat from what is "out there" induced not only by diminished sensory acuity but also by focusing upon immediate body experiences that diminish awareness of outside objects. It means, for the average woman, giving up her perceptual hold on the usual world of objects and allowing herself to be "carried away" by sensations that are aroused in her by a man's behavior. Presumably, if she finds such conditions too threatening she will develop anxiety that inhibits the buildup of sexual excitement and blocks orgasm. One cannot help wondering whether the woman with low-orgasm consistency might not also have difficulties in other situations in which the action of some outside male agent produces changes in her level of consciousness or exerts control over the way she experiences the world. For example, would she find a hypnotic induction procedure particularly threatening? Would she respond with special negativism to medical procedures that produced loss of consciousness or called for "submission" to a physician who would be in a position to do radical things to her that she. could not control? Would she be the one who would be most resistive to taking a drug or other medications prescribed for her that might have unpredictable effects? Might her anxiety about losing her perceptual hold on objects make her avoid such conditions as loss of sleep, extreme fatigue, and intake of substances that really alter her awareness? Some doubt is cast on this last possibility by the fact that no relationships were found between orgasm consistency and amount of use of (or liking for) alcohol. These thoughts might, in some ways, imply that the woman with low-orgasm consistency is concerned about potential loss of self-control, but it would be more accurate to characterize her concern as a fear of finding herself completely alone (without the support of a man who really cares). If so, one could expect that orgasm would be facilitated by any conditions that increase a woman's feeling that the man with whom she is having sexual intercourse can be counted on to be loyal and to maintain steadfast interest in her. What are the practical implications of this generalization? Consider some illustrative formulations. 1 . A woman will overcome the inability to have an orgasm with a man when her relationship with him has been formally stabilized (as through marriage). 2. A woman should be less orgasmic in transient, temporary sexual liaisons. 3. Increasing duration of marriage (within certain age limits) should increase orgasm consistency. 4. Conditions that magnify the probability of a partner having to be absent unpredictably (for example, war duty, job responsibilities) should decrease the woman's orgasm consistency. 5. A woman's discovery of her partner's infidelity with other women should decrease her orgasm consistency. 6. Wives who find themselves in competition with other wives (as in a polygamous culture) should manifest decreased orgasm consistency. 7. A woman whose partner cannot give up close investment in his mother, and who is therefore uncertain of his investment in her as his woman, should have special orgasm difficulties. 8. Although one would be tempted to argue that the birth of a child would help to reassure a woman about the stability of her marriage and therefore to enhance her orgasm consistency, there are also other repercussions of a birth (for example, its possible estranging effect on the partner who sees the new child as a competitor) that prevent such a simple generalization. Perhaps one could say that if a child is born to a marriage and the partner is genuinely pleased by the event (does not feel seriously competitive with the child), this may, through its further formalization of the long-term nature of the marriage, increase the woman's potential to have orgasms during sex. These various conditions would be expected to have a significant impact upon orgasm consistency mainly in women with a moderate to high amount of concern about object loss. Those with a low degree of such concern would probably be less sensitive to fluctuations in external conditions that bear on object dependability. It should be possible to test the propositions that have been presented by measuring changes in orgasm consistency in women (high and low in their concern about object loss) under such conditions as pre- versus post-marriage, early versus late in marriage, and partner frequently absent versus partner seldom absent.
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